Ten Ways to Annoy Characters
by Wingless205
Summary: Mouse is coming up with ten ways to annoy people, and nobody's happy! Dumb title and summary, i know, read it anyway!
1. Neo

Mouse sat in a secluded corner of the Nebukenezzar, typing quickly on his laptop. Switch spotted him sitting there and sat down next to him.

" What are you doing?" She asked.

Mouse snapped the laptop shut, trying to look innocent. " Nothing."

Switch grabbed the computer from him, her interest piqued. Her eyes widened as she looked at the screen. " Ten ways to annoy Neo? Sneak up behind him and yell, ' Mr. Anderson' in his ear. Tell him Smith can do everything he can do better. 'Accidentally' call him Smith. Insult Trinity." She stared at Mouse. " Are you crazy?"

" Don't worry." Mouse said. " It gets better."

" Tell him Kid wants to marry him. Tell him Morpheus has a crush on him." Switch burst outright into laughter, which suprised Mouse because she didn't laugh very often. " That is bad! Morpheus would kill you!"

" Which is why it's a secret, right?" Mouse answered. " You won't tell anybody?"

" Hey!" Trinity came over to them. " Why were you laughing?"

" Just something Mouse wrote." Switch blurted, before Mouse could stop her.

" Let me see." Trinity turned the screen towards her. Her eyes scanned down the list. " Ten ways to annoy Neo? Step on his dress-er, coat-while he's fighting. Instead of giving him the program he asked for, give him ballet." A tiny smile began at the corners of her mouth. " Say that Trinity ran off with Kid?" The beginnings of her smile vanished. " Tell him Persephone wants his number?" Trinity's eyes hardened, and she clenched her fist in fury. " I'm showing this to him!" She turned and stalked off, holding the computer.

Mouse's eyes widened. " No! Please don't!" He jumped up and ran after her. " I beg of you!"

Switch hung behind, laughing. " Come on, Trin! Show the kid a little mercy!"

" Please, please, _please_, don't do this!" Trinity vanished into the bowels of the Nebukenezzar, with Mouse still begging, presumably, for his life.

* * *

Just to clear things up:

I don't know if Mouse would have a personal laptop, but I needed it for the story.

I know Kid, Persephone, and Neo's feud with w/ Smith came after Mouse and Switch died, but, again, I needed them for the story.

Hope you liked it anyway.


	2. Trinity

Mouse again sat in an even more secluded corner, again typing on his laptop.

" What are you doing now?" Switch asked him. " Are you writing one of those 'ten ways to annoy people'? After what Neo did to you?"

" Absolutely not." Mouse replied, not looking up.

Switch bent down and surveyed his face. " That bruise on your eye is almost gone...You're lucky Morpheus saved you when he did."

" Yeah, but he confiscated my computer when he saw the one about him." Mouse said. " Nope, I'm never doing that again."

Switch looked at his computer, and burst out laughing. " You liar! 'Ten ways to annoy Trinity?' 'Tell her Smith has a crush on Neo'." Switch shook her head in disgust. " Don't even go there, Mouse. 'Say that Neo's trapped someplace but you're not telling her where'. 'Tell her a kindergartener could do a better hacking job'. 'Ask Neo for a kiss'. 'Ask her for a hug'."

" I've done that before." Mouse said. " It didn't work out well for me."

" 'Tell her Neo ran off with the Lady in the Red dress'. 'Tell her Neo is gay'. Don't even go there either, man!" Switch rolled her eyes.

" What's going on?"

" Apoc!" Mouse hurriedly shut the laptop.

Apoc eyed it suspiciously. " Heard about what happened last time. You've learned your lesson, right?"

Switch snorted. " Hardly." She showed the list to Apoc.

" You're doing Trinity now?" Apoc exclaimed. " Like Neo wasn't dangerous enough! ' Tell Trinity the Twins think she's hot'. Whoa, that's creepy. 'Instead of giving her the program she asked for, give her fashion design'. 'Ask Neo for a hug'."

" I did that too." Mouse said. " Trinity attacked me."

Apoc took the laptop from Switch. " I'll tell you what...I won't tell Trinity about this..." Mouse's face got panicked. " If you promise not to ever do one about me, or Switch!"

Mouse nodded enthusiastically. " I promise, I promise!"

Apoc handed the laptop back to him. " I would have thought you'd learned by now."

" It's just too much fun." Mouse pouted.

" Mouse!" Trinity yelled. " What are you doing with the laptop?"

Mouse stiffened, holding the laptop tight. " Nothing!"

" Can I see it?" Trinity asked, walking briskly towards him.

" No!" Mouse yelled, panicked.

Trinity smirked. " If you're not doing what I think you're doing, then you'd have nothing to worry about, right?"

Mouse turned and dashed away, holding the laptop as though it was extremely precious.

" MOUSE! YOU GET BACK HERE NOW!" Trinity bellowed, running after him.

* * *

Again, I know Apoc, Switch, and Mouse never met the Twins. But I needed them for the story, so...just pretend they never died or something.


	3. Smith

It was Neo who found Mouse in his corner the next time.

" Mouse." He said, exasperated. " Why don't you just stop? Aren't you tired of people beating you up?"

" This one is good, though, I promise!" Mouse said. He handed the laptop to Neo.

Neo frowned at it. " Nine Ways to Annoy Smith? ' Tell him that Neo keeps fighting because he doesn't want to see his ugly face.' 'Tell him he looks like a human and smells like one too.' ' Say that he hits like a human.' ' Tell him you love him (spread arms wide) this much.'" Neo burst into laughter.

After a while his laughter abated. He wiped a tear away. " Yeah, that's a good list alright!"

" Not again, Mouse." Switch said walking up to them. She looked over Neo's shoulder. " Smith? You're doing Smith now? ' Remind him that a thousand of him couldn't stop one of Neo.' ' Say that Neo will blow him to Smithereens...again.'" Switch chuckled. " Smithereens? I'm half horrifed and half amused."

" I'm 90% amused and 10% hurt by that statement." Mouse mumbled.

" What are you doing?" Trinity asked harshly. Glaring at a chuckling Neo, she snatched the laptop away. " 'Nine Ways to Annoy Smith? ' Tell him he's a little egotistical...just a little (note the sarcasm.'

" You know." Mouse said. " Because he's always making all these clones of himself."

" 'Tell him his tie is crooked, over and over.' 'Tell him his mommy loves him.'" Trinity gave him a questioning look.

" The Oracle is his _mother_." Mouse explained.

They all looked disturbed. " That's creepy."

Neo's eyes narrowed. " How did you find that out?"

Mouse shrugged. " I have my sources."

" The last ones were pathetic." Switch let him know.

" I couldn't think of anymore good ones." Mouse pouted. " Can I do one on Morpheus?"

" NO!" Everyone yelled in unison.

" Yeah, I probably wouldn't be able to think of very many anyway." Mouse admitted. " But I have one. ' Ask him where his hairbrush is'!"

Silence. " That was pathetic." Neo said.

" I'm half hurt and I half agree with you." Mouse sighed.

* * *

Again...I know Mouse and Switch didn't live on enough in the movies to know anything about Smith, however, like I said, I needed them.


	4. Merovingian

Mouse sat in the mess hall, typing on his laptop again.

Tank came and peered over his shoulder. "'Ten Ways to Annoy The Merovingian.' Oh, this should be good. 'Tell him French men have no testosterone.' Huh?"

" You know, the thing that makes men manly?" Mouse said. " Muscles, facial hair...all that stuff."

" Everything _you _don't have?" Tank replied.

" That's not fair!" Mouse complained.

Tank chuckled and looked at the list. "' Tell him a French man's home is where another man's wife is.' ' Ask him if he shaved his legs today.' ' Tell him Europeans migrated to North America to get away from the french.'" Tank laughed. " Where did you get all these french jokes?"

" Persephone." Mouse replied.

Tank's eyes narrowed. " What did you have to do to get them?"

Mouse did his best to look innocent. " Oh, it was easy."

" What was easy?" Neo asked.

" You don't want to know." Tank assured him.

"'Ten Ways to Annoy The Merovingian.'" Neo read, getting as excited as a kid on his birthday. " Oh! Yes! I hate that guy!' Ask him what the shortest book ever written is, then say French War Heroes.' ' Tell him the way to get a Frenchman out of the bathtub is to throw in a bar of soap.' ' Ask him why the French smell, and then say it's so blind people can hate them too!'" Neo doubled over, laughing. " Oh, I wish I could say those things to his face!"

" What is going on here!"

" Cool off, Trinity." Said Tank. " He's doing the Merovingian."

Trinity was over there in a flash. " Let me see! ' Ask him how you know a Frenchman has been at your house, and say, your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.'" Trinity wiped her tears of laughter away and read, "' Tell him that Jesus wasn't born in France because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.' ' Tell him the way to kill a Frenchman is to slam down the toilet seat while he's drinking.'" Trinity slipped off the bench and lay on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.

" That was great, wasn't it?" Neo said, helping Trinity off the floor.

" Yes, it was." They stood staring into each other's eyes, their lips getting closer together.

" Hey!" Tank yelled. " No French kissing!"

Everyone collapsed with laughter.

" Hey Tank!" Said Neo. " Can you download that list into my brain? I'm going to go tell the Merovingian."

" Of course I can." Tank replied, and they all went up to watch.

* * *

Sorry if the spelled _Merovingian_ wrong.


End file.
